This Boy.

Tonight I sat in a dark room full of boys with wide bright beautiful eyes, and watched them watch TV. For the past three nights I have brought my laptop to the boys- Balakumar specifically. He has come through on his promise and finished his homework every night. So tonight since it was our last, I wasn't about to inforce that only the boys who had finished there homework could come. Because then I wouldn't get to see any of them but Balakumar. But surprisingly enough several others had actually finished there homework as well. So we all sat down around my little computer with horrible sound and watched The Suite Life of Zach & Cody. They LOVED it. They sat there and watched a tv show, they couldn't hear, and couldn't really understand even if they could hear it. They sat with wide eyes and laughed and laughed. I decided more boys could see if I kept the laptop in my lap, but flipped it around so it was facing out. So I watched the faces of these boys, while they watched probably one of there first tv shows. Television is a part of my daily routine almost- as sad as that is. I watched them all with their open mouth stare- trying there best to figure out what was happening. And then all in unison they would bust into laughter, afterwards speaking in Tamil- discussing the funny thing that had just occured. Hari, has THE best laugh. He likes to pretend like he is this tough guy, but when you can break through that he has the best smile and laugh you will ever see. I had to upload this picture- regardless of the additional hand in the photo, because this is his Tough guy face. And its hilarious because he is doing it while showing me his newly painted pink, red, and orange nails. And the second photo is his smile.

After watching part of the TV show I turned it off- much to their dismay. But we wanted to play with them, so then we had a dance party. And Hari danced for us. It was hilarious. Did I mention his full name is Hari Krishna. I basically love this kid.
The night continued as a party but then it was time for the little ones to go to bed. And I had to say goodbye to most of my little boys. I gave Aravindraj and Peter one last big hug. And then turned to my big boys. I love the little ones but I really got to know Basha, Hari, Balakumar, Ebkenezar, and Krishna. So parting with them was much harder. Kala then came in the room and gave each of us a necklace. I love mine and have been wearing it everyday since then. Then the boys gave me a puppet one of them must have made in talent class. It was so nice of them. And I had held myself together up until I said my final goodbyes and Basha and Balakumar (my two favorites) came up and gave me the biggest hug ever. I held them tight as I knew the tears  were coming and I didn't want them to see. I quickly got up and waved goodbye as I walked out of the room.   I said "goodnight and I love you" one last time, and did the heart hands we had just taught them. They all did heart hands back and I lost it. We walked down out of the boys hostel and then I realized I still needed to say goodbye to Soniya. I tried to contain my crying long enough to go say goodbye but that didn't work at all. I probably scared poor Soniya, But I managed to tell her how much I love her, and how smart I think she is. Gave her one last big hug goodbye and then walk out. As I was walking away I had just passed the corner I heard my name so I went back and Soniya was standing there waving out the window. It broke my heart and I felt like I was abandoning her as I waved back and then kept on walking. I know they have done this so many times now, so I know its more me feeling abandoned then them.

That night we had a devotional like thing, where we all went around and shared the one thing we have learned from Rising Star. I knew after crying earlier that night, I wasn't going to be able to handle this little gathering. And I was right, I cried and barely could speak audible words as I told the group the thing I learned was how to love. And not just love, but to love so freely and whole heartedly. I have learned from these children that you can't live with your heart being guarded you have to let people in, and let them change and affect you. Even if its only for a short amount of time. So that is my new goal. But it's so much harder when its not little Indian children that I'm letting into my heart. But I'm trying world.
I love Rising Star and I love my life.
Thank you everyone who made it possible to meet these children...it is something I will never forget.

Martha